Overdrawn: The Relationship Account

Most of us keep a close eye on our checking account balance. When we don’t, we risk overdrawing our account, and paying the price that comes with it.

One study shows that about 22% of households overdraw their bank accounts each year. I’ve done it a couple of times myself, and it’s never pleasant.

But over my forty years in ministry, I’ve learned there’s another kind of account we can overdraw, one that has nothing to do with money. I call it the relationship account.

Deposits and Withdrawals

Like a financial account, our relationship account is built on deposits and withdrawals.

Every time we encourage, serve, or extend grace to someone, we make a deposit.

When we criticize, neglect, or take without giving back, we make a withdrawal.

“Encouragement is a deposit. Criticism is a withdrawal. Every interaction adds or subtracts from the balance.”

When the Relationship Account Runs Low

I can think of many times when I’ve both added to and taken from others’ accounts.

Once, I confronted our church’s fellowship committee about an issue that needed attention. I still believe my concerns were valid, but my approach upset one member deeply. Our relationship became strained, and it was clear that my “account” with that person was overdrawn.

The penalty? A broken relationship.

In the weeks that followed, I made an intentional effort to rebuild that connection. I spoke words of appreciation and encouragement, and before long, I noticed a shift. The relationship account was back in the black, and our friendship was restored.

“You can’t fix every withdrawal, but you can always start making new deposits.”

Staying Aware of Our Balances

In ministry, being overdrawn with people is inevitable. Sometimes it’s our fault. Sometimes it isn’t.It may not even be about what we do—but what we fail to do.

That’s why it’s important to stay aware of the relationship accounts around us. We can’t control others’ reactions, but we can choose to invest encouragement, patience, and grace into their lives.

Biblical Wisdom for Making Deposits

God’s Word offers clear guidance on how to build others up:

“We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please our neighbor for their good, to build them up. For even Christ did not please Himself...”— Romans 15:1–3

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”— Ephesians 4:29

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”— 1 Thessalonians 5:11

The Key to Enduring Ministry

Consistent deposits are the foundation of lasting ministry. Pastors who continually overdraw their relationship accounts will eventually find fewer people standing with them.

We are called to speak truth and lead in ways that honor God, even when it costs us withdrawals. We can’t please everyone, but we can always choose to invest love and encouragement.

Over time, those deposits matter. Relationships can heal. Trust can return. And hearts can be restored.

“Don’t give up on people. Keep making deposits. The health of your ministry depends on it.”

Final Encouragement

When you feel relationally overdrawn, remember: grace is the greatest deposit you can make.

Keep encouraging. Keep building up. And keep following God’s Word.

The balance will grow with time, humility, and love.

👤 About the Author

Pastor Jim Daniel is the Founder of Still Waters Renewal, a ministry dedicated to helping pastors and ministry leaders find restoration, renewal, and healing.

With over 40 years of pastoral experience, Jim is passionate about equipping leaders to serve from a place of spiritual and emotional health.

Read more reflections and resources at Still Waters Renewal.